Wednesday, July 7, 2010

In Memory of My Beloved

I have to acknowledge God's tender mercies when thinking about the tough times the past few weeks. My beloved little Arwen Even Star was hit by a car and killed. However, she was able to crawl out of the street (so more cars couldn't hurt her) and then I took a different route home (first time in a year) and found her a little after it happened. I was able to sob and rock my poor lovely kitty and kiss her soft furry head. She was the furriest of kitties I've ever had - so soft like rabbit fur.

She was probably my most refined and dignified kitty ever. She hardly ever played unless unceasingly tempted. However, in the spring when the weather would warm up enough for her to handle, she would race around the yard chasing unseen foes. She'd bounce and crouch and stop immediately on her belly. And look around hoping no one had seen her.

In the cold months of fall and winter she would snuggle and love on me while I spent time on the computer or as I was sleeping on my side she would snuggle up near my shoulder and be a soft, sweet, purring warming Love. I desperately cherished those moments - being few and far between. When I would catch her sleeping in public I would love on her as much as possible and stroke that incredibly soft fur.

The most frustrating thing she would put me through, is first not holding still and letting me smother her with loves. Second, when it was cold outside she would fight an inner battle. She would want to go outside and play and beg for me to let her out. However, as soon as she was out she'd wait by the sliding door and meow and beg for me to let her back in. It was a sick cycle. And one that I, as her human servant, couldn't help but repeat with her over and over for 5 months out of the year.

Arwen loved her daughter Sinatra dearly. Although she was aloof to people, she would snuggle with Sinatra at a drop of the hat. I don't know if cats know that a grown up cat is their offspring, I just don't know. However, I like to think she did. After all, I had Sinatra sniff poor Arwen after the accident. I didn't want Sinatra to wonder where her mom had gone. I wanted Sinatra to know Arwen was deceased. Sinatra has been different without Arwen to tag behind, and although Sinatra usually stayed indoors during the Spring/Summer months she has already has filled Arwen's role of being gone most hours of the day and night, whereas before she'd stay home and cuddle with me.

I am grateful for my wonderfully naughty children who were able to mourn Arwen with me. I never appreciated them so much as when poor Rashady and Ty would start sobbing so heartbreakingly over Arwen's death. It was nice to have someone to comfort and cry with. Darin really doesn't care, not being an animal person. I was really missing my dad. He was so sensitive to my delicate feelers. Darin is to my children what my dad was to me, though. And that's more than I can ask for.


Teresa said...

Oh Arwen was such a cute cat I will miss her tons too!

Bethany @ Organic Enchilada said...

I'm not an animal person, either, but I am very sorry for your loss. Not an easy thing to go through. My mom is going to loose Boomer to cancer pretty soon, and I will miss him. So I know a little about how it feels. Kinda. Hang in there!

Andrea said...

I know how you feel, sorry you had to lose Arwen so suddenly.

Layla said...

Holly, I am so sorry that you lost your kitty. Our little kitty is currently very sick and I never knew how hard it is to experience it until it happens to you. You were so brave through that experience.