Sunday, August 30, 2009


Why do cats have to be such finicky snots?

I love my two beautiful kittens and adore them with all of my heart. Arwen is probably three although I'm uncertain because she was a stray that we rescued. And Sinatra (a girl going by her name before we knew she was a girl, for her blue eyes) is two. Sinatra is Arwen's daughter, by the way.

They've been my babies before I had my real babies. I must say that they adore me too. I earned their trust slowly and deliberately. I made a point to step slowly towards them, paying attention to their frightened body language and giving them their space until they trusted me to walk right up to them, millimeters from their paws and tails. Most cats as well, don't like it when you grab their paws or pet their paws. It's instinctual I'm sure, their paws being their most used defense. But again, I carefully and deliberately touch their paws and hold them in my hands until they're comfortable with me and my gentleness.

They have always avoided Darin, he's too loud and steps too quickly and unthinkingly towards their sensitive paws and tails. It is smart for these furry creatures to avoid him, because he really doesn't care if he does step on them. He believes like many, that it's a result of the cat's own fault for being in the way. However, he does get properly incensed at them when their indignant wailings scare the crap out of him.

This is my problem with my little kitties lately:

My children have lived with us for six months now, and Sinatra isn't anywhere near letting my children love on her. She sprints under our bedroom bed and won't come out until the children have been laid down for sleep. I'm not sure how she knows when it's bedtime for the kids, but immediately she will show her face.

Arwen is barely better. She wants food too much to let her hide out under the bed if she's hungry. But she allows only Rosalie to touch her and hold her, and not for long.

What's up with my cats? Will it ever get better? My children love these furry little snots, and the cats won't ease up one bit.

On one rare occasion, Rashad cornered Sinatra under our dining room table. He grinned at me and said, "Mommy! Sinatra likes me now. . .see?" I watched as he leaned over to pet Sinatra under the table and was surprised when a horrible hiss errupted from her mouth. I had to laugh a little.

My solution:

When we move into our new home this next week, we'll be adopting child friendly rabbits. One for each of the kids to manhandle and love. Animals have such a way of being a friend and supplying comfort to kids. If any kids need that, mine do with what they've been through.

My sassy little snots might just stay here when we move. . .okay, probably not.

Saturday, August 22, 2009


After the hell they've put me through and acted like devils, it's extremely astonishing to have my beautiful babies act so wonderful the last week or so.

I've been suffering from migraines (probably due to an old neck injury and loads of stress) for the past week and a half. It's not been fun. This past week I've been completely debilitated. When I'm awake, the only relief I felt was laying down in the dark asleep or just laying down with my eyes closed.

I've had bad headaches before. . .I had a migraine associated with a sinus infection from a infected tooth about 9 years ago. I remember how Tylenol #3 didn't even touch it. But most other "head aches" I'm able to cure with caffeine or Excedrine. Not so this time.

Not having Tylenol #3 to test it out again, I suffered for a week and a half before I realized I needed to go to work and to pack the rest of the house for the move next week. I couldn't afford laying in bed in pain.

I went to my doctor's PA (I have only had good experiences with PA's - with one exception - and I personally love and admire two in my life) and he prescribed me a common migraine med that took the sharp pain away almost immediately and took the rest down to about half. Thank goodness! There is never such a wonderful feeling as when a painful feeling finally gives up the ghost.

After I was coherent enough to be a part of my kids' world again, I realized that they've been absolute angels. Angels, not demons!

They have worried about me, given me extra kisses, helped around the house, tried their hardest to be quiet and whisper (not alwasy successful - but trying none the less) and expressed to me for minutes at a time how they wish I would feel better and my head ache would go away.

My personal favorite when they remember me in mealtime and nighttime prayers. There's nothing quite like the feeling of a little 3-year-old boy with a lisp asking God to make his Mommy feel better so she can play with him and take him to Seven Peaks. It didn't matter who said the prayer, they always remembered me, and always asked that I feel better.

Rosalie has been a wonderful helper to her brothers, Ty has been surprisingly not whiny, and Rashad gives me extra massages and physical loves and encourages the rest to do the same.

I'm so blessed to have such wonderful, sympathetic children. Perhaps Heavenly Father gave me this migraine only to remind me of the sweetness and potential of my sweet, sweet children. They are truly sent to me from God and I'm eternally grateful for them.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

So, my old boss and now semi-friend took a look at my blog and came up with this doozy. I really want to stab him or bring him pain in some form, but I thought I'd publish it for kicks and giggles. Apparently I was too proud of my 17-year-old self to realize the resemblance. . .

So it took me a while, but I finally figured it out. I knew that I had seen that classic look somewhere before, and since we've only known each other for a couple of years, I did some research.
yep, some days I even impress myself.

may the tree that you climb, not be on fire,

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Just keeps getting better!!!!!

Thank you Liz for forwarding this amazing new trailer to new moon. It's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

To Be 18 Again

Recently I updated my profile picure on Facebook to one of my HS senior pics. I did this to inspire my own weight loss, mostly. My goal is to be my high school weight by my ten year marriage anniversary in December.
So I have been actively finding friends on Facebook lately and last week a friend's dad found me and accepted my "friendship" on FB.
I have to chuckle because he mentioned that I was just as beautiful as ever. . .hehehe. That's because the profile picture is from when he saw me last in high school. I can almost see his reaction when I see him in person the next time. Oh, to be "18 Hot" again!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Roller Coaster Ride of My Life!

It was just a couple of years ago that my best friend (and sister in law) Bethany came down from Washington to Provo to see her younger brother off on his mission. She hung out at my apartment in Provo, and later I watched Cameron and Ethan while she and her family went through to MTC and said goodbye to Joel. It was as we were driving away from Provo and north of Salt Lake City, that the real fun began. Beth's parents, her sisters and Darin and I went to Lagoon. Whoo Hoo! It was great!

One of the best things about that occasion (we've been to Lagoon many times) is that it was Cameron's first time riding the rides with the adults.

I remember his excitement and nonchalance about the degree of difficulty of the rides. He knew he'd be able to handle it, he could handle anything. . .he was 5 after all.

Darin, Beth and I all knew what Cameron didn't know, and was about to find out. . .the roller coaster was going to scare the crap out of him. And it wouldn't sink in, until it was too late. The roller coaster was going to drop him, twist him, take him for a loop and take his breath away. I was totally okay with Cameron learning this way, some life events you can't accurately describe, you have to learn by experience. I was all set to hear Cameron's girlie screams from the seat behind me as we finally boarded the ride. Heh. Heh. Heh. It was going to be awesome. But Darin had a better idea. He decided to take my new camera phone and turn around in his chair to capture the looks of terror and surprise of our nephew during the drops and corners. Looking at these old pics while doing some organizing on my computer last night, it reminded me of something. . .but I couldn't place it.

Then it hit me. Cameron's expressions of horror and panic have been my same expressions this past year. I can completely sympathize with Cameron's face and his learning by experience! And his being in a situation that he has no control over. Learning by experience and losing control have been my constant companion with multiple children in my home. I was so excited to ride the "Mother" Roller Coaster. My friends and family have listened smugly for 10 years of infertility as I've expressed the desire to be a Mom. I knew it was my life's goal. I knew how much fulfillment and joy it would bring to my life.

That's all true, but my friends and family knew something that I didn't, because they had ridden the roller coaster before. I've come to find out through experience, that being a Mom is scarier than crap! I see the corners, loop-de-loops, and drop offs ahead of me now. . .but I can't get off and I don't know what to do except scream! This thrill ride ends in a decade or so when my children turn 18.

What was I thinking? Super Mom doesn't exsist, control doesn't exsist. We are all just passengers and the kids are the mechanical engineers! Tell me. . .what sane person would willingly ride a roller coaster manned by children? Well, committ me.

The truth is that being a mom has been a fun, surprising, frustrating ride. Here are a few of my adventures:

Drop offs: Why did Rashad leave a dump on the back porch? And then lie about it with his pants still around his ankles? He merely pointed at it and said, "Mom! Look what I found."

Corners: My little rascals have felt the need to tempt me and try me everyday. Why? To be sure by putting on the pressure, that I know what I'm getting into? That by knowing their devilish side, I will love them completely and accept them for it? How can I prove to them that no matter what they do, I will still want them and love them? So, alright already! Stop pushing my buttons!

Loop-de-loops: Why is it that when the door is left open for the 533rd time in one day, letting all of the AC outside, all three children have a different explanation? Going by strictly statistics, you'd think that one of the stories would be the actual one. . .nope.

I have no doubts now that more crazy, out of control adventures in motherhood are waiting for me as I care for these little Dixon Devils for the next 20 years or so. I will try to remember to scream my head off and have fun. To resemble Beth and not Cameron in these pictures. It helps when others find my adventures amusing, it gives me hope that I will one day find entertainment out of it as well! In the meantime, I will take notes and pictures to share.

Friday, August 7, 2009

New Moon Dilemma

So, I'm kinda a Twilight freak. A BIG ONE!

This is my dilemma: I hate Jacob in the books, he's such a pig! I'm team Edward all the way. Edward is exactly the kind of old fashioned gentleman that I've always approved of. Jacob is the stereotypical modern boy that loves to put his woman in danger and push the line of desire in selfishness. Do what feels good, is his motto. Not necessarily what makes you happy. Edward is just the opposite. He's all for Bella's happiness.

While reading the books for the first time, I was so ticked that Bella was attracted to Jacob and that he was fighting so hard for her. I didn't understand the level of concern she had for him. I'd shout in my head, "Bella, you Moron, Edward came back to you, move one, get over Jacob!" While rereading the series I skip the parts with most parts of Jacob in them except for the end of Breaking Dawn. I'm happy in my ignorance of the fool that Bella makes of herself, Jacob and Edward in Eclipse, in omitting those paragraphs.

Here's the dilemma:

In the movie New Moon, Jacob is HOT!!!!!! Am I going to have to buy a Team Jacob Shirt from Hot Topic now? I shutter to think of that alternative! But when I saw the New Moon teaser trailer, I couldn't help but think, "Take him Bella!"

I felt so much remorse for this reaction that I returned to the Twilight series binge after 10 months of sobriety to revisit all of the reasons that I hate Jacob Black so much. I still hate the book Jacob but I have watched the New Moon trailer again since and can't help but love the movie Jacob.

What am I to do?


I knew I would have these feelings of frustration as soon as I started a blog. But I didn't realize how strong the feelings would be. Let me explain. . .

I would love to put up cute pics of my kids on this blog, but I'm not able to until we've officially adopted. But I'm sitting here wondering what I should write about, and all I can think of is my kids.

But stories I can share are useless without pictures of their cherubic devilish faces. They are the perfect blend of heaven and hell and I love them dearly because they're so like me. Hense the blog name.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Our New Home!

The time has come to move ourselves into a new place and our first home! Some thought we'd never settle down, but here we are. Our offer was accepted, a couple of times, and our closing date is August 25, 2009. That is less than three weeks! Thankfully I've been packing since we got serious about finding a house, about a month ago.

Our home is about 20 years old, rambler/ranch style, 4 BR, 2 full BA, 2150 sq feet and on .28 acres. It has some mature trees in front and in the back with a peach tree that is just chucked full of the juicy treats! The home is perfect for our new and ever expanding family. We look forward to bringing Rosalie (8), Ty (5) and Rashad (3) into our new home this month. In the coming months we hope to be licensed to care for more foster children in our new home.

We will have Rosalie's baptism, the adoption in the Matheson Courthouse in SLC, and the sealing in the Provo Temple around the same time. Hopefully within the same two days. Depending on what the caseworker says, it could be in October or mid to late September. So keep your calendars empty! Just kidding.